Generations X and Y: Destination Harmony

UN-COACHABLE KIDS - Who's to blame?

Bridging the Generational Gaps between the way things were and today

This quote caught my attention on Facebook:

"Un-coachable kids become unemployable adults, let your kids get used to someone being tough on them. It's life, get over it."  - Patrick Murphy

It's supposedly by Alabama's softball coach. I haven't been able to confirm the origin, so I'm taking google's word on it. :) 

It got me thinking, is it the kids' faults? The parents' faults? Believe me, if you need a "I'm a terrible parent" pitty-party, I beat you every time. I'm over beating myself up, or other parents. We do our best, right? So, let's get to the root of it...

Let's get to the root of how the previous generation of kids did everything a coach said, while parents sat quietly cheering on the bleachers, and we now have little leaguers in therapy and parents getting kicked out of games for beating up coaches. How did we get here?

NERDS UNITE
A few days ago, I participated in a vertical alignment conversation in which we discussed bridging the gap between K-12 education and Community Colleges/Universities. There were about 10 professors and 5 high school teachers, and me - representing Middle School. We all observed a classroom outside of our school in order to analyze students' skills. Let me be the first to say, there are some great things going on in our NC schools! We saw trends based on our snapshot observations that showed student analysis and problem solving is alive and well in our classrooms.

THE REALITY
Student failures and drop-outs from colleges and universities are increasing, leading to more student debt and fewer skilled workers to boost the economy. We know business leaders are saying that the work force is ill-prepared, lacking vital problem solving skills and communication skills.

As a "Millennial" and self-proclaimed, 'socially awkward,' walking stereotype, I can vouch for this. However, I was able to complete my 4 year degree in 4.5 years, complete a Master's degree while parenting 2 toddlers, and become a successful career woman.

Oh did I forget to mention my debilitating panic attacks my first 5 years of teaching? And that I was diagnosed with anxiety and adult ADHD while finishing my final semester of graduate school? And that I've let my children have ice cream for dinner regularly? My bad. 

What's different between me and the rest of the "Millennials" who are finding it difficult to get out of bed, move out of mom's basement, find a job other than Starbucks, or finish that degree that's been a work-in-progress for 7 years? Not much, other than that invisible "drive" to do what society expects of me - get a job, do it well, raise a family, retire and stay healthy.

MEET PROFESSOR CURMUDGEON
I was born in the mid-80s, as generation X was ending and generation Y was beginning. I was still able to commiserate with the professor to my left at the alignment meeting. You know him - white beard, well groomed, tweed blazer, sweater vest, dress shoes that are comfortable enough to walk across campus, briefcase with yellow legal pads. Docta Jones! We both agreed that "when we were in school, we did our work and there was no excuse! We just did it."

As I began to discuss "engaging and motivating learners" and "making learning relevant to their end goal," Professor Curmudgeon  grumbled, "What's the deal with all of this relevance stuff? Why do they have to have a reason to learn it? You just have to learn it to get the degree!" I explained that from my perspective, I, too, had questioned "Why am I learning this?" but I was the last of the generation that kept quiet about it. Generation Y-ers aren't quiet about letting you know if your lesson is boring or they didn't do their homework because they didn't feel like it. true story.

Let me give you two scenarios...

GENERATION X - Does well in school. Goes to college. Gets first job he interviews for. Marries at age 20, has 2.5 children and owns a house by 25. Lives in same house until mortgage is paid off. Works at Job for 25 years. Retires and collects pension and social security. Grumbles about "kids these days who don't know the meaning of hard work."

GENERATION Y (a.k.a. Millennials) - Struggles through school. Parents, teachers, counselors, tutors, intervene daily for 13 years to ensure she does well. She spends 6 years trying to pass her classes to finish her degree in Marketing. Can't find a job in Marketing. Continues to work her part-time job as her, now, full-time job. Can't afford to live on her own because of student loan debt. She'll move out of mom and dad's when that "real" job comes along. Marries at age 35. Doesn't have any children. Moves from city to city with her husband, working various temp jobs. Works until age 70, because she has little retirement money and, honestly, doesn't know who she is without working. And Social Security benefits aren't enough to live on, so most work until they can't.

The stereotypical "lazy, living-in-mom's-basement, can't-get-a-job" story is a bit different with some more perspective, huh? I'm not saying those situations don't exist in Gen-Y, but it's more often the case that the expectations placed upon us don't align with what's available or what our heart desires. Being happy in a job at Starbucks is frowned upon in our society, but makes many many people incredibly happy and fulfilled, as long as they are treated well by their boss and paid adequately. Hmm, isn't that what we all want out of a job? So we force this idea of college/university on students as the only avenue toward success and fulfillment, yet it is not fulfilling many of them. It is 4 more years of perceived "failure."


Why the huge shift in our society? Generation X-ers are the majority heading our companies and representing our government. They are in charge. Generation Y are most often, because of age and less experience, the worker bees...
                 …the more outspoken worker bees
                 …the eccentric, creative worker bees
                 …the worker bees that crave encouragement and validation
                 …the worker bees that crave a say in decision-making
                 …the future CEOs, Presidents, Principals, and leaders

Generation X + Generation Y = conflicting views on how our piece of the planet should be managed

ahhhhhhh….

RECOMMENDATIONS FOR SCHOOLS:

At the end of our meeting, we were able to talk in groups and write down some recommendations that would be sent to policy makers in order to change this trend of ill-prepared college freshmen leading to remediation and drop-outs.

Here were my recommendations:
1) Get rid of grades. Change all grades to standards-based grading, or rubric grading, so the focus is on the skills NOT the effort. It is human nature to do just enough to get by. That will never change. We are survivalists. What must change is how students view "failure."
2) Move toward Job Tracks. This happens in Finland and some other countries, although it would need to be tweaked for our society's needs. Regardless, the main idea is that we view a college degree as the ultimate success and dump truck driver or barista as the ultimate failure. NO! What has every civilization relied upon? Skilled workers, thinkers, business people, religious counselors, etc. There are many paths to "success" - people want to find happiness in a job, in addition to enough money to live that life. Fallen civilizations had too many conductors, not enough musicians.


RECOMMENDATIONS FOR TEACHERS:

We want students to do their work? Give it relevance. It may sound hippy-dippy, but it is incredibly important to our generation. They will invest if they see that it will affect their success as an adult. Even my 6th graders are not too young to honestly consider that it would be embarrassing to "send an email to your boss without proper capitalization." They understand that if you don't pay your power bill, you won't have electricity. This is difficult, but the consistent reminders of relevant consequences will eventually stick and make a difference.

We want our college freshmen to write a 5 paragraph essay or read 50 textbook pages by next Tuesday? We scaffold for 13 years, but rarely require full independence. We must shift our scaffolding practices to support skills only, not behaviors. The most important part of the scaffolding model, is the gradual release of responsibility. Our education system does not let students fail, so we don't even get to the "release" part, therefore, students are not responsible in college. They are not independent thinkers. Teaching students to self-analyze work with a rubric and peer-edit, is doing amazing things for those students who continue to college. What do we do when we have a question as an adult? Ask google. Ask a friend for help! Let that process happen, so that students become independent and less reliant on each other - therefore, more efficient workers, coming up with solutions independently in order to complete the task quicker.


That's great for educators, and it may or may not happen in my lifetime, but what can we do as parents?


RECOMMENDATIONS FOR PARENTS:

We must show our children that we are not perfect. What do we dislike about politicians? They lie. They aren't willing to lose their ego and admit something isn't working. "We're going to ride this train to the end, even if it crashes." Let's quit lying to ourselves. What we are doing isn't working.

We want our future business leaders to be honest? When you make a mistake, admit it and fix it. Model how to go through that process with your children or students. Go through pros and cons decision-making processes. Discuss effects of your own actions, positive and negative. Predict possible causes and effects that could occur.

What does every mom and dad want for their children? Health and happiness. Ask your child from age 4 to 40 what they are doing that makes them happy. My job as a teacher is incredibly fulfilling and makes me happy. There were times where my teaching job wasn't fulfilling, but my part time job at a bakery was. My husband's job makes him happy because he enjoys working with people and cars, but more than that, he is fulfilled knowing that he is able to provide for his family. We need to have honest conversations with our children that sometimes jobs will be great and sometimes they won't. Sometimes you won't get the job you want, you keep working for it until you get there.


WHAT WE ALL NEED TO DO:

Quit the generacism!! Come on…GROUP HUG! Let's appreciate each other's strengths and let go of the "good ole days." Millennials, we cannot negate the experience of the generations that have come before us. We are all blessed to experience this life in this place. Love. Trust. Be honest. Have integrity.   Don't judge.

Supporting New Teachers: Destination Confidence

"You just need more confidence."

Oh, if I had a dollar....

Hold on while I activate my magic confidence booster pack.

The irony is, I'm the most confident I've ever been, yet I question myself even more than I did before I was "confident." The saying, ignorance is bliss, rings some truth.

Who was I before confidence?

New.
Inexperienced.
Ignorant.
Naïve.
Unscathed. 

                      The same voices that tell you to be confident, are often the ones that tear you down.
                                   Their voices become your inner dialogue. Your uncertainty.

New.
No room for error.
No time for growth.
No excuses.
No mistakes.

                     Figure out how you can get to be a Master teacher by tomorrow. Chop. Chop.
                                  Why aren't you there? Here, read this brochure.

Inexperienced. Have you ever had something pointed out that you didn't know you were supposed to be doing? Imagine that at least once a week for 5 years. That's what the first years of a teacher's career is like. It's similar to parenting (because none of us know what we're doing), except, in parenting, you typically don't have others pointing out your errors - just yourself.

                    Well maybe I don't know how to make the right choices for myself? I keep messing up. 
                                 I should just do what people tell me. I should ask for help.
                                 ...but, wait, what am I supposed to do?? I don't know what to ask.

Ignorant.
I didn't know what to fix. I didn't know what questions to ask. I didn't know how to reflect, because I didn't know what my flaws were. This may seem foreign to non-teachers, but if you don't produce enough sales in retail - this is a flaw. There are so many flaws in teaching that you don't know are flaws. For example, asking a child to follow the dress code will hurt his self-esteem and cause his parents to want a conference to discuss why you were picking on him. How do you know how to avoid these situations without experience? How do you learn how to put out the fires if you've never seen a fire - when you don't know what even causes fires? The expectation is that new teachers put out the fires with no equipment. Impossible.

                     You should have high standards, unless it upset someone - then lower them.
                                  The customer is always right. Wait, who's the customer?
                                  Someone is upset, I must have done something wrong. It's my fault.  

Naïve - People are helping me - so if I just do what I'm told and copy what they try, I'll be golden! That's how we learn something right? We become an apprentice. For some reason, that didn't work. I could be standing on my head twirling a baton just like a "Master," and would be told it wasn't entertaining enough.

                             I'll try the advice that's given to me. If I'm given strategies or training, it must be because
                                  I need to improve in those areas. Wow, this is a lot to try at once. I'm overwhelmed, but
                                  isn't this what I'm expected to do? Master teachers do it all, why can't I? I must be doing 
                                  it wrong. Or not doing enough. Why are my spinning plates crashing?

Unscathed.
You trust. You trust yourself. You trust others. You haven't been hurt. You are so hopeful and joyful for what the future holds. This is why we think back to our childhood right? The innocence. Your heart isn't calloused. You haven't had anyone betray your trust. 

                                   Wait, I thought that if I'm supposed to learn from others and rely on them?
                                   I thought I could trust them to boost me up? 


Teaching is competitive without anyone telling you it is. Sabotage and passive aggressiveness is around every corner. The bruises and scars are what cause you to change. You wake up one day, and look back - knowledgeable, experienced, and scarred. You know what you value. You know what you need. You know what questions to ask. Another irony? You no longer need people to answer the questions for you. You find your own answers. You no longer depend on anyone but yourself and your NEW, confident inner dialogue!



How do we support new teachers?

• Be a filter. My mentors could never tell me this enough. I needed someone to filter the books, binders, trainings, new programs, policies, and help me realistically look at what I could accomplish. Someone to say, "You and I together, are going to ignore these and focus on these. If you get in trouble, I'm going down with you. We can't do it all!"  One of the greatest things a fellow teacher did for me was sit down with me, after letting me cry it out, and planned a calendar for my week - not just teaching, EVERYTHING… when I would buy groceries, do laundry, write my research paper, fill out paperwork for school, write lesson plans, grade each set of papers, etc. Any teacher knows you could NEVER sleep and still not accomplish everything. 
• Give them a few tools - not the whole toolbox. Master teachers are masters because we can juggle a million balls more easily - this, unbeknownst to us, causes new teachers to think that's where they should be. It's either stated or implied for them. They are watching us. They are our apprentices. Remind them in your actions and words, that teaching is a process, and if you try to do it all at first, you will fail. It doesn't mean you lack confidence or knowledge or skill - it means you haven't learned how to multitask yet. You haven't learned what your strengths are. You haven't learned how to put out the fires.
• Show your weaknesses. Showing a new teacher that Master doesn't happen after the magical year 3 when you gain "career status" and have less evaluations, is important. There is a shift in education, thankfully, where doing what's been done isn't the norm. You don't get your lesson plans completed after a few years of tweaking them, then open the same plan book up for the next 27 years. Teaching is a constant struggle. Show them how to admit mistakes, and figure out a solution to trying something new.
• Don't expect them to always ask for help. They often don't know what questions to ask. Profession Learning Communities, or PLC's, can be a great place to get ideas and work together, but again - filter those ideas because they may not work in everyone's classroom or for every teacher. PLCs can be overwhelming to a new teacher. They may ask one question, but really be asking something else entirely. Be intuitive - look for what they need, but don't know they need. Maybe they are saying their students are grasping a concept, and you see that she needs to model a smaller skill first. Give her the suggestion.
• Follow up. Be reliable. If you say you are going to model a lesson, do it. If you know she's struggled with teaching a skill, follow up to ask her how she thinks it's going. The conversations we have as teachers are what make all of us look at ourselves and, therefore, grow. The conversations others have with us become our inner dialogue. 

I'm certain that NOT ALL have had the struggle I had in my first few years. But, I'm certain that MANY HAVE. A program, a brochure, extra trainings can't support a new teacher - only compassion and understanding from those around her. People that truly want her to succeed and remind her how real success is measured, even when she hears otherwise. She needs people to be a filter. Translate the negatives into what they mean for a new teacher. Let her cry. Let her vent. Let her be happy for little successes that aren't measured on a scantron. Remind her, daily, that it's okay to be imperfect. Don't assume a smile or laugh means she's arrived at Mastery. Don't assume that after your mandatory time together, that she's "arrived" at Mastery. Invest. You will learn just as much through the process as she will. 

Read this book: Monday Morning Leadership by David Cottrell. (quick read!!) It's not a teacher book. It's a book about how to mentor and how to be mentored. It would be a great book for any partnership starting a journey together. 

Don't tell newbies to jump to the end...

Be confident.
Be successful.
Be a master.

They don't know how to get there. Like a child doesn't open up a chapter book and read, we support their struggle. We help the bumps in the road and assure them this isn't the end. We must be self-less. We must encourage them to keep going. We must regard ourselves as continuing, daily learners, who have not "arrived"… We are on the journey together.